while reading dr seuss's alphabet book tonight ...
it will be mine. oh yes, it will be mine.

contemplating a bee

yesterday after school, henry and i ran a couple of errands. we were on the hunt for a shirt for school picture day tomorrow ... we have this tradition four years running of him wearing a striped shirt for pix. but alas, stripes must be out this year. not to mention it's supposed to be 80 degrees tomorrow and every store only has fall/winter clothes in stock. hmph.

so we left the mall and stopped by the tile shop, because our bathroom WILL BEGIN next month, if i have to sell my eggs to make it happen. henry followed me up and down the aisles, reading his lego magazine and sighing with boredom.

so we left the tile shop and headed home. we got there just as marc finished mowing the yard and harper was running around with a soccer ball. as the kids played and marc headed in for a shower, and i noticed there were quite a few bees buzzing around my sedum. then i noticed this guy sitting on top of one of the flower clusters.

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a beautiful bee specimen, to be sure. but my goodness ... this guy was a bruiser! after watching him for, like, five minutes, i realized he wasn't going to fly away any time soon. he was just laying in the flowers, enjoying their intoxicating nectar and getting high on pollen.

in my world, stationary wildlife = macro opportunity.
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while this bee laid on the sedum like it was his own personal hookah bar, i started to contemplate my own life of physical activity, or lack thereof.

my mom and sister have signed up to do the indy mini marathon in may and want me to join them. i said yes immediately, but have yet to sign up. why? well ... partly because that means i have to commit to being in indiana in may, and that's sorta tough right now. who knows what will be going on in our life in may.

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but also because i just haven't found my groove with getting back to the gym yet. i was so motivated before becca's wedding two years ago, but between working for memory makers and writing the book and all of marc's travel and all the stuff the kids do, etc. etc., i just really can't find my motivation this time around. i feel very isolated in my life and schedule, and it's too easy - when i DO have free time - to relax and say that I need a break, too.

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i have marc's support - he's pledged a trip to ireland for our anniversary next year if we both hit our fitness goals by then, and my sister and i have talked about keeping each other accountable by phone, but taking harper to the child care center at the gym is just hell. she feels the kids' room is torture and she screams and cries and runs for the door. it's hard to tear my mental game away from that and focus on a workout. not to mention there have been several times that just as i hit my stride or get a couple of laps in at the pool, there is a page over the intercom to come get my child. then i'm sweaty or chloriney for nothing. and that's demoralizing in it's own way.

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but on the other hand, those are just excuses. and i'll soon end up like this bee ... bloated on my own preoccupation with my own little plot of land and too weighted down with that preoccupation to move on to the next flower and see what it has to offer. i don't want to fall off into the land of no return ... never again to see myself with a cute figure or care about my appearance; i'll just be content with my own little semi-agoraphobic piece of earth. but that isn't fair to me, marc, or the kids. i need to embrace life, embrace MY life, and get moving. and sign up for that damn mini. once and for all. and like the bee, at some point i will have to fly away before i'm too weighted down by my responsibilities and fears that i'm unable to achieve lift-off.

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Comments

Susan Beth Breuner

Fantastic photos!

Shelly

This thought won't work for much longer, but do you have a playground with a sidewalk that goes around it? I used to get in my walk by taking the kids there, and doing endless laps around them. It's slightly boring but they would have fun and I could exercise.

Sadly I think I'm too old to sell my eggs. Too bad, since I think I have a proven track record of great kids. ;)

Love the photos!

NancyJones

awesome bee pictures. Ive never seen one still enough to do that before lol

Rita

Amazing photos! The colors are just gorgeous! I need to go to the gym too but having a hard time deciding when to go. My kids are so young daycare would cost a fortune at our little local gym.

Ann-Marie

Stunning photos. The exercise thing..Start slow. Tell yourself you'll go once a week-just to start..set up a time you know Mark can be home with the kids..I just started this myself(taking a class on Sunday nights..ouch the 1st night was tough!)

Kellie

I have the same problem -- getting motivated to exercise. Sometimes life seems overwhelming as it is, just getting things done, working, kids activities, etc. I'm giving myself a break for now...but when you get going, let me know, and I'm sure you'll inspire me! :)

Becca

Hey...you better sign up lady...I'm counting on having you here with us!!! It fills up fast, so either you sign up, or I'll sign up for you. I love you and we all know that you are freakishly strong (and stubborn) and can do anything you set your mind to. Once you decide to do this, there will be no stopping you!!!
lalu

Emily VanRyn

you had better listen to bec, that whole freakishly strong (adn stubborn) thing is in her blood too!!!! you can do it!!

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