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May 2005
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July 2005

Ah, home sweet home!

I may complain that we never go anywhere, that I have cabin fever, that I need to just GET OUT, but let me say right now that whenever we go to Indiana to visit I'm always SO glad to come home. Not that we don't love our families or our time with them, but it's INDIANA. No offense to Hoosiers who may read this. Actually, Marc and I spent a night in Nashville and it was quite lovely. Really beautiful. And I took so many flower pictures ... And Indy, as far as cities go, is getting much better. But still.

BnbmarcfishingWe spent Father's Day with my in-laws and had a nice afternoon of cooking out, playing bocce ball, making s'mores. Then Marc and I went to an amazing B&B in Nashville, Ind. and discovered our dream house. Then a trip up to Huntington for two days with my family and my cousin's wedding (horrible rehearsal dinner meal, beautiful wedding ... kind of like the old saying, "bad rehearsal, great show"? Hm.), then back to Indy for Marc to hang with his parents two more days and I met my three dearest girlfriends from high school for a night of giggles and libations. Boy, we sure can't drink like we used to.

What is it about hometowns? They drive you crazy, they make you feel suffocated, they make you feel nostalgic, they make you glad you've grown up. Maybe it's just me, but I have very little love for where I grew up. Could it be that it's because we moved there a month before school ended in my fourth grade year and I was treated like a leper? Could it be because I have horrible memories from elementary school and junior high, of how I was always treated like an outsider because I didn't have friends I'd known since we were in diapers? Could it be because summers were hot and muggy, winters rainy and ugly? Could it be because my family is SO much better in small doses? Could it be because I am always invisible when I go there?

Things got so much better in high school. I swam, and in doing so made a group of genuine friends. And I met two wild and crazy girls who were also new to the area and in need of a group. I belonged for a change. Of the 12 years I spent in Huntington, Indiana, I only really enjoyed myself for about five of those years - 10th grade through college.

And why the heck did I stay for college? I've come to realize that I was trying to prove to my family that I was a part of them, that I could do something that would make them proud. Turns out it didn't work and I wasted four more years in Huntington beating my head against the wall. The only good thing that came from my college education was the unexpected discovery of Marc. Talk about a silver lining.

And yet we spend all our vacation time going BACK there to see our families. Well, we decided this time that enough is enough. Let them come see us. They have just as much - if not more - vacation time than we do, and we have to travel with kids!! From now on, we start taking our family places WE want to go. So there.

* On a good note, Marc has had a most excellent week on the job front. Five interviews, three went really well, two he's really interested in. Fingers crossed that soon things like 401ks and non-Cobra healthcare will be back in our lives.

Where faith comes into play

Well, it's Wednesday. We planned to leave for Indiana on Friday. Today, after a week of nothing, Marc's gotten a couple of really good/promising call backs. The big debate now is Do we stay or do we go? (The Clash now stuck in my head.)

He spoke with one recruiter today and asked if it was possible to do the initial interview this week ... because it's for a major corporation HQ downtown, the likelihood of them moving that fast is slim, but the recruiter said Marc is a great fit. And there are three really excellent consulting gigs starting in the next couple of weeks, though one might take him to Iowa for 2-3 weeks ... not thrilled with that idea though what he'd be able to put on his resume after it would be incredible.

It's so hard to know what to do. It sounds like Marc wants to take off Friday as planned and just keep his cell phone attached to the hip - literally - at all times. And then his fishing trip will depend on what next week produces. He told me the other night, as we wrote out what money would come in and go out in the next few weeks, that we can do it and we SHOULD do it, because even though things may get iffy in August if nothing pans out we NEED this time off very, very badly. I think both of us are ready to just disintegrate with exhaustion, stress, and the "constancy" of life for the past five years. He's right. We need this time more than we can even express right now. The job will work out. Money will work out. We've just gotta have faith that this is all happening for a reason, and then hope that we come out on the lucky side of the tunnel come July 1.

Biopoem, for the eternally one-step-behind

Interesting how blogs work. I have a blog. Someone on a message board was compelled to read my blog. She made a comment on one of my posts. I got an email notice of her comment. Went to her blog to say thanks. Got to reading her posts. Saw something intriguing that was linked to another blog. Went to that blog. Found the source of the intriguing post. And am now participating back on my blog.

Quite the circle of life.

So here's my Biopoem, via Ashley, via KerryLynne.

(constantly a Work in Progress)
(the troll in the middle of perfection and beauty)
(lover of silence, inspiration, and laughter)
(who feels a serious lack of silence, inspiration, and laughter)
(who longs for lace curtains blowing in the breeze, a porch swing, a meadow of daisies, lemonade)
(who needs to seriously get a grip)
(who fears loss and instability and insecurity and spiders)
(who gives as much as she can to those who need it, but tries to hold a little back for herself)
(who would like to see peace and equality and a really comfortable bra that actually fits)
(who lives in a perpetual state of limbo)

I'm not a bad mom.

Resizebugbites_2Really I'm not. I tend to be hyper-vigilant, overprotective, and mostly stifling on a good day. I'm big on balanced meals, bedtimes, sunscreen, and training wheels.

But apparently I forgot the Minnesota state bird, the mosquito, comes out at dusk. Sue me ... I'm not in summer mode yet.

Poor Henry came in from slip-and-sliding last night and Marc noticed these welts all over his back. He immediately stuck our kiddo in a hot shower while I put Harper to bed, then I had bug-bite-ointment duty. (Marc has this thing about getting stuff on his hands and fingers, I swear.) I stopped counting at 20 bites.

Luckily early action seems to have kept the itchies away ... Henry hasn't complained once today. And he's currently out soaking and splashing again before the rain comes. Hopefully it's still too early in the day for mosquitoes, as I remember to take a photo but again forgot bug spray.

(It would have washed off anyway, right? I'm gonna keep telling myself that.)

Oh crap.

Yet again, we're downshifting. Remember a few posts back when I said Marc's company had been sold but he was rejoining the consulting group? Apparently that's not happening. The guy who now owns the consulting group is less than a fan of Marc's (possibly because the CEO thinks Marc is fabulous, regardless of screwing him out of a job? Hmm ...) and is pretty much doing whatever he can to keep Marc from working. So he's officially unemployed. I guess he knew this about two weeks ago and didn't tell me so I wouldn't worry. Ha ha ha ha ha. Like he didn't think I'd wonder why he was home every day?

But amazingly I'm not feeling freaked. Maybe it's because I know we always land on our feet. Maybe it's because I have total faith in my brilliant husband. Maybe it's because God's never let us down, no matter how many times we get pushed. Maybe it's because I'm in denial and in about two more weeks it'll hit me and I'll downward spiral until I can't function without antidepressants. Whatever the case, I'm doing okay.

It helps that Marc has had many good interviews and has lined up a few independent consulting gigs for friends and friends of friends. Financially those gigs will get us to and possibly through August, and from the sound of recent interviews it's likely he'll have a permanent job before that.

Thank god we sold our house last year for a bundle and paid off all debt.
Thank god all Henry's activities for the summer were prepaid.
Thank god we aren't extravagant people with high needs.
Thank god we've made it before on less and know what to do if necessary.

Regardless, I'm praying. Often. I know God has a plan for us, but it would be nice if he would leave us alone for awhile so we could enjoy some Status Quo. I mean really!! We've been through enough in the past three years.

If you feel like adding us to your nightly prayers, please ask God to help my genius Linux man find something that will make him happy, allow him to use his skills, and will be a stable opportunity for, oh, at least a year. For Pete's sake.

I've missed this!

Resizeflowers_6Resizemusic_2Resizehenrydt_3I love Minneapolis. I love living here and raising my kids here. It's a truly great town - lots of arts, lots of restaurants, lots of funkiness, lots of earthiness ... it's just all good.

Today was one of those perfect days. The sky was blue and warm, the breeze was cool, and it was Farmer's Market day downtown. I met my girlfriend Heather for lunch and a walk up and down Nicollet to check out the flowers and produce. Too early in the season for local produce or cheap flowers, but it was still fun.

I miss living downtown. Well, four miles from downtown. I miss working downtown and walking Nicollet every Thursday spring through fall. I miss calling Marc mid-morning and saying, "Let's meet at ... for lunch" and then walking a few blocks, getting that little thrill when I saw my tall, dark and handsome man walking toward me. I miss the vibrancy of the city.

Don't get me wrong. For this stage in our life, our little house in the 'burbs is just right. It's much more peaceful and relaxing than we'd anticipated. But coming home from downtown today, I detoured down our old street to see our old house. There it was, all yellow and sweet. Then I turned down the parkway and traveled the road where I used to jog, where I pushed Henry in his stroller, where I took him on bike rides, and the trees created a canopy over the quiet street and were so lovely. Then
I turned down Cedar and headed across Lake Nokomis and saw sailboats, and the sun glinting on the water.

I returned home to a house with central air and a nice big yard and the neighbor girl coming over to ask Henry to play, and it was good. And I no longer missed downtown. But I was grateful for my afternoon among urbanity.