Work In Progress

we're still here.

things have been getting in the way of blogging.

truth be told, i'm growing bored with blogging. but i don't really scrap much anymore, so the stories have to go somewhere. so i keep blogging.

just, apparently, not very well.

and right now, the weather is amazing, so i'm getting pulled away from the computer by nice days, bike rides, weed pulling, sitting on the couch by a window that's open and letting in an amazing breeze ...

or by a little girl who asks me to play barbies outside, then she gets sidetracked by chasing butterflies and dragonflies and rolling down the hill ...

(click on the pic and you can actually watch her roll down said hill:)

and then i get sidetracked by how pretty she is ...

then i get sidetracked by boys who trudge across the empty lots to shoot at things ...

and the biggest guy tries to give the not-quite-as-big guy pointers on how to aim, how to stand up straight, and how to please stand up straight, and how to just stand up straight already ...

and then i start thinking about how the biggest guy's only real regret in life is that he didn't go into the military like he wanted to oh so desperately, and that he never got the chance to see if he could have made it as a sniper ...

and then i get sidetracked thinking about how neat our kids are, and thank god that mchotness didn't enlist because then we never would have met and fallen in love and made out and created those kids ...

and then i got sidetracked by mother's day, and the plan to go to the arboretum that was waylaid by a line of cars about a quarter of a mile long, waiting to turn into the arboretum; cars full of families and mothers who, apparently, had exactly the same idea. so we ended up at lake minnetonka, watching sailboats and ding dong people who had no clue how to fly kites. and then i look through the four pictures i took that day and get sidetracked by how giant my eldest is and the fact that he still has, according to his doctor, about a foot more to grow ...

(no, he is not standing on something. no, i am not sitting on something. he's that much taller than i am. shut up.)

and then when i finally do sit down to type something, i get sidetracked by my assistant, who chooses to sit right in front of the keyboard. it's really hard to type with your wrists resting on a cat, and i'm sure it isn't ergonomic. but you do what you have to do.

so i will try harder from now on.

so, that happened.

there has been a general air of funk-ness around here for the past week or so, and writing anything seems completely uninteresting and depressing.

a couple of weeks ago, a stager contacted our realtor, wanting very much to break into her market and offering to stage our house free of charge, no strings attached, and put a property manager into the home to keep it lit and clean and care for the lawn, etc. our realtor checked all the language in the contract, added and subtracted a few things to make it no-risk for us, and we agreed to let the stager in. we took it off the market for a few days while she added art and furniture and tchotchkes all over the house, then new photos were taken and the house went back up for sale.

that weekend we have a zillion showings.

on sunday, we got two offers and notice that a third was potentially coming.

one of the offers was amazing - perfect - and we accepted. the purchase agreement was signed on monday, and on wednesday the buyers had their inspection

which was done by a structural engineer.

on a house built in 1965.

needless to say, he convinced the buyers that the house was not up to code (duh ... how many times has code changed in 47 years?!) and would likely disintegrate into a fatal hole of horribleness. so the buyers walked.

and when the third party heard the buyers walked because of the inspection, they too hauled ass away from being interested.

sooo ... back to square one. after a year on the market, we still have nothing to show for it.

and we're so done. everyone who looks at the house loves it. feedback is great. there is no one smoking gun reason from any of the showings as to why this house isn't selling.

so i now hate this house beyond all logic and reason, and am kinda praying that god strikes it with lightning and it burns to the ground.

no, i'm not being hyperbolic.

on top of that, while marc was gone for work, the little cat ate two new areas of carpet. no matter what we did to stop him and distract him, he just moved on to a new area. brand new house, brand new carpet, now full of chewed up, shredded spots because little cat was an idiot. the stress of not selling the old house and  of the new house being destroyed by a seven-pound piece of crap cat were too much for me. i packed up little cat and took him back to the pet store from whence he came and walked away. it killed harper for about a day and a half, which killed me (and was even worse because, like everything else in life, i was left to deal with it alone), but she got over it and my carpet will no longer be at the mercy of little cat teeth. granted, it looks like shit in about five different places, but oh well. it's just money, right?

so all of that, plus some other things, led to a really, really bad week last week. we're still stressed out about the house, but have decided that we'll give it until july - hard stop, and then we go the rental route. maybe we'll specifically look for someone who wants to run a meth lab out of the bathroom and cross our fingers that they burn it down for us.

i'll get back to fun stories and pretty pictures soon. i'm working on a list of resources for the new house and will write that up here pretty soon. an amazing about of emails have made their way to me, asking where we got this light or found that sink or what our countertops are, so i feel the need to address that. and maybe i'll even clean the house and post new pix of the place with actual furniture in place.

at least in the rooms that have furniture.

we're still missing quite a few things. because the other house hasn't sold yet. but i already told you about that. so, okay.

on my bucket list

i'm not a runner. not even a little. two miles is the farthest i've ever run at one time on purpose. and hated it every step of the way.

however ... i am now obsessed with doing this:

a friend of mine in california recently ran one, and the photos from it were amazing and happy. and then i saw the above video on karen russell's blog and decided yes - i want to do THAT.

so i googled color run to see if there is a minneapolis one, and found that there is. in july. and it's sold out. but that doesn't mean i can't go and watch, right? because to be around all that energy and joy must be amazing.

and the photo ops would be pretty amazing, too.

so i'll go in july. and i'll take the kids, because they would totally dig it. and then i will make it our family mission to run it together next year.

because, really, how can you watch that video and NOT want to grab a snorkle mask and tutu and go for a run through a muppety rainbow of happiness?!

easy like sunday morning

we had 512 things to do yesterday, so opted to skip church and keep the morning easy.

the kids woke early, like they usually do, and got onto their computers to play mine craft. it's kinda their weekend thing, so we let them.

i got up a little after 8, made my coffee, then settled in for cbs sunday morning. on sundays that we don't go to church, this is kinda *my* thing.

marc stayed in bed. that's his thing, regardless of day or schedule.

when my coffee was gone and the show was over, i went upstairs to find the kids just hanging, but no longer at their computer.

they were happy, content, quiet, so i just left them.

soon, though, it was time to get chopping.

they each had quiet morning chores ...

then we got on with our day. trip to the old house ... a stop at a bike shop ... unloading the car from the trip to the old house ... etc.

the cats supervised from their spots.

then the rains moved in and we closed up shop for the day.

and it was all good. a good, easy, productive, busy, mellow sunday.

i love sundays like that.

what counts for normal

a sleepless night full of tossing and turning, and little cat digging at the covers most of the night, obsessively-compulsively torn between sleeping under the quilt or pouncing at my extremities while on top of the quilt.

up at 6 a.m. with henry, who decides to eat only half the breakfast i make for him.

an attempt at 30 more minutes of sleep, which is thwarted by an increasingly scratchy and sore throat. (no no no no no. scratchy sore throat: you MUST go away!)

up at 7:20 with harper, who decided to make her own breakfast and in the process got bagel crumbs all over the pantry floor and island.

take hot tea out on the side porch to wait for the bus with her, while she pretends to be a frightened bunny ...

(because she has a bunny ears headband. and wears it to school. see that?)

and then she's a friendly bunny ...

and then the first kid arrives at the bus stop, so she bolts.

and within five minutes there are 412 other kids at the bus stop, and the bus is coming up the hill.

and then i come inside, make a small bowl of cereal, and sit down to catch up on email and read the news.

at which point the big cat jumps up on my desk.

and lands in the bowl of cereal.

and milk spills on everything and splatters everywhere.

which leads to me completely cleaning my desk and most everything on it and the wall behind it.

then wiping up the floor where i threw the cat and his milky paws.

and now it's 8:59 a.m.

perhaps it's time to go back to bed for an hour and then try again.

2012 is getting away from me

maybe just january is getting away from me.

regardless.

i'm grateful for my iphone, because it's way easier to pull it out, snap a quick pic, and carry on. are the photos the same quality as my big girl camera? no. are they better than no pictures? yes.

so i'm good with it.

so here's what we've been doing in january:

 

 

1. harper figured out how to do her own ponytails.

2. we've entered the realm of Saturday Morning Swim Practice.

3. we had a thai food double date with dear friends ... and the boys played their itouches the whole time.

4. henry had his first official swim meet and did a great job. starts and turns ... and breaststroke kick ... and butterfly ... need some work. but his freestyle is strong and his backstroke is amazing. so i'm more than proud, and totally excited to see where this will take him.

5. we took the house off the market. then we did some final cleaning/touch-up stuff that we just hadn't gotten around to doing. then we re-listed it. traffic was good the first two weeks, we had a solid nibble, then nothing. and yet the feedback, still, is all positive. the likelihood of turning that house into a rental is becoming very high.

6. i finally ... FINALLY ... started unpacking my scrappy stuff. after harper bugging me for weeks to do it so we could do something arty.

7. i spent my birthday day sitting on the couch, kitty in lap, watching ellen degeneres. pretty great way to spend a morning. i should do that more often. all that "errands and cleaning and unpacking and being responsible" crap is for the birds.

8. the downside of swimming: occasionally, practices are held from 7-8:30 p.m., and when those practices fall on nights marc is out of town, it's a very late night for miss harper. so we do what we can to keep her entertained and cooperative. sometimes that means letting her shine a flashlight into her mouth and then taking a picture of it in the rear-view mirror.

9. i mentioned she wanted to get arty, right? one saturday, that meant she made three different sets of hand puppets, and put on three different puppet shows for me.

10. a couple of times this month, marc was actually home. and two of those days he was home, he ended up free for lunch. on this particular day, his free-for-lunch day coincided with my day to take my car back to toyota and leave it there. (starting to think my 11-year-old car may not have five more years in it.) so i had a lunch date.

11. we spent martin luther king jr day at a neighbor's house ... she and i chatted non-stop, while her boy and mine played airsoft, and her girl used mine as face painting practice. we all won.

12. henry got braces. hello, gawky, awkward adolescence.

and there you go: january. already.

2012 is going too fast.

what 38 looks like

this ...

is the happy birthday i got from my smart ass almost-12-years-old-might-not-make-it-to-13-if-he-keeps-it-up son yesterday.

thanks, henry.

i had already decided weeks ago that i would not, in fact, turn 38 this year. 37 was a good number, i've always had a strange affinity for threes and sevens together, and i was good with not being any closer to 40.

but after reading henry's little note yesterday, i decided to take it as a compliment and make peace with 38.

i don't want to get older, but as long as i don't look my age, i'm okay with that. sure, i could lose some weight - i'm working on that. (let's not mention that i've been "working on it" since the new millenium. i think "baby weight" can no longer be officially blamed when your "baby" is on a ski trip with his middle school class at the current moment in time.) on a good day, i can totally pass for early 30s, and that's okay with me.

i like what i've accomplished in the last eight years. i had baby #2, i got to work for a scrapbooking magazine and later write a book for them, i got to travel, my marriage grew ever stronger and better, we built an amazing house, i raised some pretty great kids ... other than the "baby weight" that i can't seem to shake, my 30s have been pretty awesome. i have legitimacy, i have validity, i have a decent list of accomplishments, and that's not something you can say in your 20s. heck, these days, those are hard things to claim in your early 30s. seems to me, owning 38 is a powerful thing. so, okay.

and on top of that power, i'm edging toward the next decade with nary a wrinkle to my name.

(we won't mention all the white hair on my head. but thanks to l'oreal medium maple brown, i have deniability.)

38 looks pretty okay.

 

new year already?

gah. i didn't meet nearly enough of my goals from last year.

whoops.

looking over the list from then, i have to say that, nearly word for word, this year's list would look the same.

however, this year i'm framing my list not as resolutions or tasks, but as intentions.

* this year, i intend to make myself a priority. i will start my day with something healthy, and when i have a few extra minutes i won't spend them mindlessly surfing for some instantaneous happy (i'm lookin' at YOU, pinterest!). i'll instead do something healthy: five minutes of crunches, five minutes of high knees, five minutes of cleaning and bagging fresh veggies, etc.

* this year, i intend to make my family a priority. i will be more forceful in my less-screen-time stance when my kids go straight to the computer. i will be more forceful in getting us all involved in an activity or game versus everyone going to his or her own corner. i will be more forceful that marc be present and involved with the kids when he's home, and not just sitting on the couch with henry and an xbox controller. i will be more forceful in getting us up and around for church on sunday morning, instead of letting marc talk me into sleeping in since we get up early every day.

*this year, i intend to put good, whole foods into myself and my family. we eat out far too often, and the kids rely way too much on pop-tarts for breakfast. and harper eats like crap at school. i intend to make that grocery list and meal plan stick, and will use that crock-pot more often. and i will involve the kids in making breakfast and lunch, so that they learn to make their own healthy choices. none of us eats badly, but when life gets crazy and the schedule goes haywire, food is the first place where we cut time. i need to be intentional in preparing ahead of time so that schedules be damned ... there is a good meal in the house that's just as quick as a pop-tart. and i'm gonna learn to bake that bread.

* this year, i intend to make fewer goals, and be more intentional in finishing them. one project a month - conceive, prepare, assemble, complete. one thing at a time, start to finish. i find myself all too often starting one thing, then i see something else that needs to be done so i work on that for a bit, then i move something out of the way and find a third thing that needs attention ... you know how it is. no more.

* this year, i intend to slow down my brain ... bite things off in smaller chunks ... proceed with intention and do it the right way. if i'm not ready to say yes, then i say no. less stress. less pressure. less disappointment and frustration. this is the year that i lay intentional groundwork to what comes next, and i lay it strong and sturdy so that everything that builds from here will be strong and solid and good.

 

and those are my intentions. and i shall print them out somewhere that i can see them daily to hold myself accountable. because if there's one thing i've learned in the past few months, it's that i can't count on anyone else to get me where i need to be. i can't count on the people in my life to pull through for me, and i can't use them as an excuse when things don't work out the way i planned. this is my life, and i will get it together before i turn 40. which is ... like ... five years away still. right. ahem.

the story behind the picture

see this?

looks like a nice little family outing, yes?

what you don't see is this:

a mom who really wanted to go to the sweet orchard with the chickens and horses and the kettle corn guy and the field to which you pull a wagon to go retrieve the pumpkins. and a dad who said no, the vikings game is at 3 it's too far away, let's go somewhere closer this year. so the mom did a google search, came up with this "u-pick" patch nine miles away, the dad said "perfect," and upon arrival they discovered the "patch" is basically a guy's backyard.

a little girl who whined about her tummy hurting pretty much the entire time. except when she decided to have fun and run around and laugh and eat apples off the tree.

a wife and mother whose attempts at saying something were totally ignored and talked over. (there's that "i'm a super hero and my awesome power is invisibility!" thing again.)

a pumpkin patch that yielded four tiny gourds for our efforts.

a charm on a favorite necklace that got stuck in the grates of a metal table on which the mom put her camera in an attempt to get one. friggin'. family. photo. out of this godforsaken trip to the "pumpkin patch," and which pulled as the mom stood up to run to the family while the timer was going, and which broke the mom's favorite necklace.

going to the shed to get four small, leftover pumpkins to show for the trip to the "orchard," paying for said pumpkins, then having to run to the car in the rain.

at which point the little girl immediately began whining about her tummy again.

 

man, do i love family outings.

i'm alive.

we moved in last sunday, worked our collective butts off all week long, i flew to maine on friday morning, shot a wedding all day saturday, flew home sunday ... and marc left yesterday morning for the week, i'm dealing with the moving company's repair guy trying to fix all the things the movers, let's say "tweaked", during the move, as well as landscapers dumping a literal ton of boulders in the backyard and moving them around all yesterday, still waiting for some countertops, etc. etc.

when i think about it, i'm not sure i've had a decent, relaxing day or good night's sleep or comforting meal in two weeks.

and i took many pix of the house on the day we closed, but they are all on a file server that my computer has decided to be estranged from since the move. so, no pix. yet. someday. fingers crossed.

i WILL share this one, from the wedding, of the groom zip lining to the ceremony from across the lake ...

it was a fun, happy, full-of-love day. and right now i'm tired, cranky, lonely, overwhelmed, and wishing for the day when our days can be fun and happy and not exhausting.

but the view out the back of the house is stunning, with all the changing leaves, and i hope to take the kids out this evening in the golden light and take some photos of them. because if we wait for marc to get home, the weather will change to rain and the light won't be nearly magical.

here's to hoping they cooperate with me. because i need it today.

but at least i'm alive. just maybe not kicking.

i'll get back to you on that.