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happy holidays!!


tomorrow both kids will be in school, and marc and i will pack and clean like madpeople! at 3:05, when the bell rings at henry's school, off we go!! we'll drive to chicago and stay in a downtown hilton, and thursday morning we'll be hitting the sites with the sights - the tree in daley plaza, grant park, the windows on michigan, the list goes on. we'll find a place for a fantastic lunch, then off we'll go to indiana and the holidays will truly begin!!

i'll probably be on blog hiatus until we return, so have a wonderful holiday season! stay safe, eat lots of cookies, squeal and giggle with the kids, and i'll see you soon!!

(and for those who don't get an actual xmas card from us ... enjoy the pic above! that was it this year!!)

missing: one voice

last heard: evening of 12.13.07

last audible evidence was the voice trying to rasp out "i'm fine" after shots of tylenol sore throat medicine and zicam.

the voice fled quickly, from a rasp to a honk to, finally, a whisper.

her owner misses her terribly, and has had to stomp her feet and bang on the nearest wall or table to get the attention of her intended audience. has also had to hand phone to husband to translate conversations with the outside world.

every effort has been made to recover the voice, from medication to hot tea to rest and back to hot tea .. this time with honey, lemon and bourbon added (because owner's mother suggested hot toddies work best. though the ratio of tea to bourbon may have been too skewed in the direction of the bourbon to be effective. owner wasn't sure, so she had to have two just to be safe ... )

owner is pleading with voice to please return soon so normal activities can be resumed.

if anyone has any information that will lead to the recovery of the missing voice, please email owner with your best hot toddy recipe tip.

thank you.


marc is home, i have a new haircut, friends from far and near picked me up and hugged me the other day, xmas shopping is done ... all is right with the world.

except harper is done with naps. which sucks.

thanks to you all ... those who replied to me and those who emailed me personally. you helped me get through a serious funk!! and dropping off harper at daycare yesterday morning so i could drink coffee and laugh for two hours with my friend sue sure helped, too!! and now ... a weekend.

the light at the end of the tunnel is finally bright enough.

wanna come to a party?

i'm throwing myself a pity party today, and we all know that misery loves company, right?

after smashing a bowl of chicken & noodles all over the floor one day, harper covering herself and her bed with lotion another day, breaking a toe, smashing another bowl last night because henry didn't push the halloween candy far enough back on top of the fridge (yes, we still have halloween candy ... is that bad?), dealing with getting all christmas stuff bought and ready to go to indiana next week, and ignoring a deadline because i can't possibly think of one more thing right now ... and doing all of this with help or presence of a husband only about 12 hours in the past two (or is it three? i've lost count) weeks, i've reached my breaking point.

it's so bad i've started to write run-on sentences. oh, the horror.

and then, like any lonely, miserable person at her breaking point, i check the stats on my blog, hoping someone somewhere might be microscopically interested in how i'm doing today (because when i talk to the husband, he gives me the, "i guess i don't have anything to say. just wanted to check in. talk to you later" line, regardless of the fact that maybe *I* would like to talk to a human about, oh, say, anything!), i see that i've had more than 40 hits since midnight (at least midnight gmt).

so please ... take pity on me ... say hi and let me know there are still people in the world willing to cast light into my dark and lonely void of a life.

i need it right now more than i can say.


he figured it out!!!

turns out the new isp told marc that his cage was configured one way, so he configured all the client's stuff based on that info. but the cage was actually configured a different way ... so no matter what marc did, nothing was going to work.

i've never seen him so mad or frustrated or upset. not in nearly 15 years together. wow. but prayer works. and now i'm turning my attention to the ice storm in chicago and am hoping god's still listening to me, because i'd really like it to get nasty overnight so marc won't have to leave until wednesday. we could all use a 24-hour breather.

to add a little mellow to the evening, here's a musical interlude:

iron & wine - "lion's mane":

farewell drifters:

the weepies - "the world spins madly on" ... because it does. it so does.

more iron & wine - "naked as we came" ... a song that makes me think of marc and i every time i hear it. no matter what he does or what's happening in our life, i always love him more than anything.

i love you, sweetie. so glad your brilliance is still undefeated. now, come home.

update: marc's plane took off at 7 a.m. ... so much for wishing. oh ... and i broke a toe last night. i'm thinking god's sense of humor isn't so much the same as mine.

well, that sucked.

"that" being this weekend.

we picked up marc from the airport on friday at lunchtime ... he'd been in san jose since monday. got some lunch, came home, laid down to take a nap, and i was up 20 minutes later when the phone rang: contractor #2 to give us an estimate on the downstairs bathroom. guy was on his way over. so, okay. put on a bra and go wait.

he leaves, harper wakes, marc wakes, we hang, then it's time to go get henry from a play date and pick up thai on the way home.

not too bad.

saturday morning marc has to start the process of moving clients from the old isp to the new one. he left the house around 10 a.m., thinking best case scenario he would be home around 2:30 p.m. well, at 5:30 he finally rolled in ... and then left again around 9:30 when he realized something wasn't working. stayed there until 11:30.

this morning we got up ... well, he and the kids did. i meant to, i really did, but somewhere between "i'll make breakfast in 15 minutes" at 7:30 a.m. and actually waking up around 9 a.m., i must have drifted back off. so i got up, made eggs, we ate, then we sat in the living room to watch the domestic bliss of our children sitting on the couch, reading together ...


while marc checked in on the previous night's work on his laptop. crap ... something's not working. so back to st paul he goes around noon ... and he's still there. it's now 9:30 p.m.

since he's been gone, the kids have fought and yelled, harper has refused to use the potty chair, and henry's had a breakdown and wailed that he wished daddy could just take one. day. off. you and me both, kiddo. then i scavenged enough out of the freezer and pantry to make a casserole (marc has my car and i can't drive his ... dumb me for never learning how to drive a stick!!), henry ate around the noodles, harper didn't eat any of it, and there you go. dinner. then the kids played and yelled and fought some more while i cleaned the kitchen, gave harper a bath, put both rugrats to bed.

went downstairs, my mom called and we started to commiserate, and about that time i hear two sets of footsteps upstairs. go up to see what the problem is and find that harper had gotten out of bed, got her lotion from her dresser, and somehow squirted it all over her bed and pillow ... then LAID in it and got it all over her pajamas.

so i wiped up as much as i could, scrounged around to find new jammies, gave her a new pillow (which did NOT make her happy ... she only likes flower pillow ... ugh), and told her to stay in bed. then henry called me in ... he was having another tearful breakdown about daddy not being home. truth be told, i was ready to cry right along with him.

i feel so badly for marc that he's running into so many problems. i feel even worse for the kids because they don't understand why daddy's finally home, but yet not home. what do i tell them?? tomorrow he has another full day, though he'll be around (granted, that may all change if he keeps having issues with this client), and tuesday we put him back on a plane until the end of the week. and next weekend? he does this all over again with client #2.

we're all sick of it. this weekend just sucked. 10 more days until we can finally, hopefully take off and have a few days together. fingers crossed.

when is it too much?

today's been a rough day, and it ended with marc and i crabbing at each other in a two minute phone conversation; both of us frustrated for the same yet different reason. trying to get through the day with one parent two time zones away and unavailable just sucks. i know it could be worse ... he could be gone for a year at a time in some foreign nation where he's constantly under fire or something. but at least military wives have the opportunity to live in a communal setting with other women who lean on each other and help each other out.

i got nothin'.

poor henry's just raw right now, what with all the missing daddy that he's going through and needing time from the only remaining parent at home who, sadly, doesn't have much time to give. he was in tears on monday as we dropped off marc at the airport. he was in tears again that night. and today he was still acting out. harper asks 20 times a day where daddy is, when are we picking up daddy, can we see daddy now.

today i got henry off to school, came home to veg on the couch with harp, who is recovering from double pink eye, and managed to drop a bowl of reheated chicken & noodles all over the kitchen floor. corelle + chicken + noodles and peas and carrots and broth = massive explosion of pain in the ass all over the place.

harper then refused to nap, kept getting out of bed, kept needing to go on the potty chair every 10 minutes (this spontaneous potty training kick she's on is wonderful, but MAN does it require a lot of time and attention ... and m&ms). she finally fell asleep with less than an hour to go before leaving to get henry ... and we left half an hour earlier than normal due to the terrible road conditions and white-out tendencies of another round of snow.

we got home, the kids played in the snow while i got 3/4th of the driveway shoveled, we ate dinner (well, henry and i ate dinner. harper ate one chicken fry and four bites of mac cheese, as she calls it, and called it a meal), i cleaned up the kitchen while they destroyed harper's room, then we adjourned to the basement to snuggle up on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and "rudolph the red-nosed reindeer" on tivo. well, that lasted 20 minutes, then harper was done. so we played other things and she needed to pee 12 more times.

all the while, we were waiting for a call from daddy, who said he'd call after his meetings so he could say goodnight to the kids.

nope. didn't happen.

i got harper to bed, henry showered and in bed, did some work on xmas cards and gifts, and while trying to input some updated information at the photo printer my computer started acting very oddly. like, only typing field entries backwards ... if at all. most of the time whatever i would type would somehow end up in the internet navigation field. so weird.

so being 9:30 i figured marc HAD to be out of meetings, so i called. he was. he was at dinner.

thanks for calling us.

granted he got out later than he thought and would have missed the kids anyway, but could he have thought maybe *i* would want to talk to him today? before midnight? considering harper woke up at 2 a.m., 2:30 a.m., and 3:15 a.m. this morning, i'm not waiting up tonight.

when marc's in "work" mode, we are afterthoughts. no, less than that. we're not on the radar. we pop into view when it's convenient for him, and that pisses me off. you know what, buddy? get up 10 minutes earlier so you can call in the morning. make time on the drive to your fancy dinner to check in. sheesh.

and earlier i was missing him so badly. watching the beautiful snow fall all day long, i knew he would love seeing it and i hated that he was gone. watching the snow pile up on his car in the driveway made it look so lonely and unneeded, and it will look that way until saturday. i was melancholy and missing him but dealing. and now i'm just mad.

and it sucks.

how do you weigh all the travel and the disappointed kids and the added stress and worry against great money and possibilities for some freedom for the first time in 10 years? at what point do you say money isn't everything and it's not worth the cost? i'm not sure i can justify it to myself much longer. yes, it would be nice to finally re-do our downstairs bathroom and make it functional. yes, it would be nice to take a vacation for the first time since the turn of the century. actually, before the century turned. yes, it would be nice to have a nest egg or move into henry's school system so i can stop the daily commute or let marc finally buy himself a toy for a change. but in the long run, isn't happiness what it's really all about? isn't it about being a family first and foremost, and everything else is just superfluous?

i just don't know. i can't make that call yet because i'm hoping there will still be some reward for all this crap. if there isn't, well, then that just isn't fair and i call "uncle."

guess who ...

decided yesterday - after months of screams of protest and cries of horror - that she would just be potty trained, bah-dump-dump.

no, not me. miss harper.


we've been trying to peacefully and creatively suggest that she try out her potty chair for months, and she always screams and yells and fights. for whatever reason, yesterday she disappeared into her room, took off her clothes, took off her diaper, pulled out underpants from her drawer, and that was that. she's been dry ever since.

total craziness. but i'm not questioning it at all. i'm just praying it lasts ... and am curious as to what on earth got into her!!