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August 2007
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October 2007

i'm chill like dat.

no, i haven't found my inner gangsta. marc and i watched freedom writers last night - was so expecting that ubiquitous "dangerous minds"-type movie, but it was surprisingly moving and amazing. anyway, now this song is in my head.

92107 could be that i'm feeling a little weightless today. just sent out box #1 for deadline #1 of the unreleased title michele skinner project. ahh ... so love meeting deadlines, wiping off the board, and seeing a blank slate. i think i'll keep it that way through the weekend before i start in on projects for less time/more work deadlines #2, 3 and 4.

marc's in rochester, minn. today ... have no idea when he'll be home, but considering it's 4:15, i haven't heard from him  yet, and rochester is about 90 minutes away, something tells me we won't see him for dinner.

henry has a new friend over playing right now. there's definitely a big difference in the attitude/personality of a child who a.) is and has been a daycare kid, and b.) has an older brother. i'm hearing things that i've never heard in this house before. where do i draw the line between our house rules and letting boys play and be silly? there are certain things i'm not ready to hear come out of henry's mouth or see him do, but i know it's bound to happen as he gets older and starts playing with new kids whose family and life experiences are very different from ours.

had to tell gina today that we're changing our plans a little as far as harper's care goes. i really didn't want to - i like gina a lot, as does harper, but as the days get colder it won't be possible for them to go to the park or hang out in the yard, and it isn't very fair to keep them cooped up in the family room while i'm downstairs working. not to mention harper needs some social interaction. so i'm going to start her at kindercare two mornings a week for about four hours each morning. they have learning time, play time, and lunch time. that should be good for her, but it won't be so much time that i'll have to reprogram her when she gets home.

not much else to share. think we're getting harper's big girl bed this weekend, which makes me very, very nervous indeed. i hope she takes to it well and it doesn't screw up the schedule too much. our contractor is coming over tomorrow to do the final once-over on the basement bathroom project so we can get started on that. since marc's chicago sales rep quit before the quarter was over, that screws up his commission for this quarter. fingers crossed there will be enough to do the bathroom without having to write a check from our account. paying for it from the budget wasn't the plan when we started this project.

anyway, there's the update. i'm off to check in quietly on the boys and then go be chill on the couch with harper to take in the backyardigans. yo.


aye, a faire day, my loves.

okay, so we're geeks. we love the renaissance festival. love it.
went on sunday and it was *perfect.* not hot. not chilly. not crowded. not rainy. not even cloudy.
perfect.

see?

Bungee Elephant
Harphorse_2 Hhorse_2
Blackangel Duel
Glassman Hhooked
Hcrossbow Pukesign
Hturkey Hwbeggar
Marcshoot Singers
Stables Tattoo
Wizard Nymph  
Tartanflag_2 i know ... these should go in a photo album and you can look at them if you choose. that would be the POLITE thing to do. but no. it was a perfect day. the kids had fun, marc was home, the weather was most excellent, and darn it i'm *sharing*!! turkey legs as big as your head, the best people watching, the smell of kettle corn, roars of "huzzah!" going up from the jousting arena, hearing a seminar on the finer points of irish ales, watching the kids scamper from one thing to another, hearing harper plead sweetly upon seeing the "princess finery" shop "can we, pweeze? pweeze pweeze? can we can we? really can we?" so yes, we did.

it was great. look at the pix. it's an order.


marc.

i don't devote much space to him ... unless i'm aggravated with something he did or didn't do ... but i feel like it today. so bear with me.

Bwmarc our eleventh anniversary is approaching in october, and it's amazing to think that we're actually together, growing older, and still happy. i forget where we were recently, but we were talking and laughing, and whomever we were talking to made some comment about our eyes smiling when we looked at each other, even though we were sort of playfully bickering. and marc said something like "it stinks to actually still LIKE each other."

i knew very early on in our relationship that marc was the one for me. he took a little longer to be sure, but he'd never really had a girlfriend before and wasn't sure he wanted to get too serious. but the time came when we knew we were better together than apart, and that we were both so ready to hit the real world and start living that getting married young (22!) was perfectly acceptable.

being a naive young girl desperately in love, there wasn't a thought in my head about life being a struggle. i knew his being in the computer field was probably a good thing; it seemed like a stable job market, so while  i had no visions of what life would be like, there was no trepidation that it would be uncertain. marc was ambitious and a self-starter and had big plans for himself. i remember him making me a promise at 24 years old, and making barely 30k a year, that he would make six figures by 30. i laughed; he got the last laugh. and i learned to never doubt him.

he continues to impress me daily and blow me away with the man he's become. the fact that he started his own side business just "to see" if it's something he could do independently ... and it actually kept us afloat during one of his numerous industry lay-offs two years ago ... is impressive. the fact that his dream company sought out him and had faith in him is huge. the fact that this man, who practically failed the SATs, any class that wasn't computer related, and speech class, is now widely regarded in his field for his brilliance. he regularly leads meetings, he's written articles that have gotten published in linux journals,  and even though he's been in this job just less than a year, he's already gained a reputation for knowing how to make the most of the sales relationship and how to impress clients. and this red hat architect certification he's been pursuing? he missed the week-long study class, but still flew to san jose to take the test ... and passed with a 100%.

i had no idea, in 1993 when we started dating, that he was a genius. or a brilliant businessman. who knew?

so why is all this in my head today? i had a dream last night that he did the unthinkable - he cheated on me. and i did the unthinkable in return - i divorced him and promised him that he'd just lost all rights to the kids. obviously, there's more to the dream that i'm not going into here. the point is, i woke up and felt like my heart had been ripped out of my body. the thought of losing marc in any way paralyzes me and that's not an insecurity i ever planned to have. relying on a man wasn't in the cards for me. and yet here i am, completely horrified at the thought of losing my best friend.

Marc1rsz marc loves to fly and really wants to get his pilot's license, but it's his one dream that i won't allow him to chase. i've backed off on the shooting, but i can't stomach the thought of him going up in some little two-seater plane. he's too big and too real and too necessary to my life. and yet, he still takes the opportunity to go up in small planes whenever he can. and it pisses me off. probably as much as it pisses him off that he has to do it on the sly. and i know it's irrational -  when it's his time, it's his time regardless of whether he's in some cessna or sitting at his desk. but my dream last night sort of woke me up, in a figurative sense. maybe i need to loosen my grip on trying to protect him. maybe i need to let him know that i support his dreams ... i don't want there to be a resentment that could grow into something bigger.

we're happy, and he's truly my best friend, and i can't imagine my life without him. and i miss him when he's gone and hope that moving next year really and truly eases the burden of him being so absent. we're in a really good place in our lives right now relationship-wise, and it seems like such a bummer that it comes at the same time as his travel being so frequent.

anyway, i'm not sure i have a point with this. i just felt like thinking about my husband today. he comes home sometime tonight and i'm so ready to see him. and hate that he flies away again next week.

so here's to marc. the love of my life.


lots of new

a new month, a new school year, a new fridge in the kitchen, a new week without marc ... new, new, new.

our fridge has been dying a slow, painful death ever since we moved in three years ago. so last month we finally said fine - if we move next year we're gonna need new appliances to sweeten the deal, if we don't move we need a new fridge anyway, so be it. we ordered a beautiful stainless lg fridge-on-top vision of energy efficiency.

9307a well, it arrived yesterday and ... was 1.5" too tall for an overhang next to the pantry. okay. we thought that might happen. so out came the hand saw and marc started to work away at the wall. but no such luck. so off he ran to home depot for a reciprocating saw. that worked much better, but he got to the edge of the cupboards above the fridge and couldn't go any further. so he figured he'd just take down those cupboards and finish the cut. six screws and removing the trim later, he realized the cupboards were actually attached to the wall with adhesive in the back. okay ... screws back in. out comes the hand saw again to remove the wall under the cupboards.

9307b two and a half hours, $250, lots of sawdust, and a little mopping later, our fridge is in. and it's lovely.

wonder what will happen when the dishwasher gets installed today ... ? (assuming they ever call to let me know what time they're coming.)


9407 henry headed off to his first day of second grade. kiddo was literally buzzing with excitement this morning. stinker. i'm so glad he likes school. miss harper was very bent out of shape, though, that SHE didn't get to go to school. she tried her hardest - loaded up her dora the explorer backpack with a denim hat, a watering can, and a sippy cup and said she was ready, too, for school. poor little moppet. i'm looking into a child care facility tomorrow ... maybe she'll go to "school" after all. it's actually $90 a month cheaper than the twice-a-week nanny and harper would get to play with other kids. sounds like a pretty good deal.

marc's off to chicago until friday night so it's just me and the midgets this week. again. at least it's only four days ... how crappy is it that i'm now able to say, "it's only four days"? ugh. hate that.

lots more talk of moving over the weekend ... it's now "when," not "if." think we're already there mentally. there are just way too many pros. and i still get to come back to minneapolis with marc occasionally when he's up for business, so i guess it'll be like we live both places, just own a home in the one with a lower cost of living. score.

started a new photo-a-day album over there --->

think that's it for today. 10 more minutes of freedom, then gina goes home and it's time for lunch with my girl. and just my girl. cuz henry's at school. having a blast.

ahh ... i love "new" sometimes!